It's a JOKE Mama!

My child recently started telling knock-knock jokes. She only really knows one, but tries to make up multiple ones using the same punch line. It goes like this...

L: Knock-Knock!

M: Who's there?

L: Lion.

M: Lion who?

L: Lion in his bed!!! (Get it? Lion/Lyin' in his bed...)

She roars with laughter everytime. So she tries other things...

L: Knock-Knock!

M: Who's there?

L: TV.

M: TV who?

L: TV IN HIS BED!! Bwhahahahahahhahaha!

M: *blank stare*

Last night Lauren's bestest pal Dustin was over and Lauren tried out her joke on him. He laughed and then shared a joke with her...

D: What do you call a fish with no eyes?

L: *blank stare* I don't know...a fish with no eyes?

D: Fsh!

L: *blink blink*

D: Get it? Fsh!

Chad then says to Dustin, "You do realize you're using a joke that involves spelling to someone who can't spell, right?"

So this morning, we're driving to school and Lauren is chattering away in the backseat asking me ten thousand questions about all kinds of things and then says...

L: Mom, what do you call a monster with no eyes?

M: A monster with no eyes?

L: Yeah! What do you call a monster with no eyes?

M: I have no idea.

L: He's tickling the fish! Get it? Get it? Do you get it Mama???

M: *roaring laughter*

good stuff

This afternoon I'm trying to quietly work on our family website, but there's a little person who is sitting at her table next to my desk chattering away about random things blipping into her brain. For some reason she started talking about the Charter cable dude that was here for our installation oh...about 2.5 months ago? She keeps saying he needs to come fix our TV.

M: Who needs to fix our TV?

L: The Camel Guy.

M: The cable guy?

L: Yeah, the Copper Man.

M: Lauren, I'm not sure what you're referring to...

L: I'm not "ferring to" I'm talking.

Lauren's List

Last night while Lauren was eating her supper, we were discussing fall and winter. She keeps asking me why it's dark when she's eating supper these days. Daylight savings time is a fairly complex concept for a three year old to grasp...

Somehow we ended up talking about Santa coming to visit this year. I asked her what kinds of things she might like Santa to bring. After some serious thinking on Lauren's part, she developed the following list...in this order...

princess dresses
necklaces
bracelets
crowns
magic wands
an elephant...a cozy little elephant
counting bears
dolls
toy trucks
butterfly wings
a snow cup
toy umbrella
bird seed
acorns to feed the squirrels

And there you have it.

Tell me a story 'bout...

Every night, as part of Lauren's bedtime routine, we read several books and then tuck her into bed. The last month or so, as you're tucking her in she'll say, "Tell me a story 'bout..." and she'll say Dora the Explorer, or Backyardigans, or about when she was a baby, etc. Last night she was so cute, so I had to post it...

L: Mom, tell me a story 'bout Josh.

M: Josh? Let's see. Josh...well Josh loves art. He loves to draw pictures and paint and sculpt and sew... You know what Josh loves more than anything? (planning to say "Spending time with Lauren!")

L: (enthusiastically) MIKE!

You need eyes to sleep

This afternoon I was getting Lauren's room ready for naptime and asked her to go find KiKi (her striped blanket I knew was in the living room). She was puttering around her room and not really listening to me...

M: Lauren, please go get KiKi. KiKi wants to take a nap too.

L: But Mama (with a troubled, serious look on her face)...KiKi doesn't have eyes!

That's toddler logic for you...how could KiKi take a nap if there aren't any eyes to close? Makes perfect sense.

Martinis and Motherhood

It's happy hour... which means I've fixed Lauren's supper and she is sitting here at the bar eating while I commence preparing my evening cocktail...a lovely martini... Here's the conversation:

L: (singing) I love you a bull and a pet...

M: What are you singing...ohhhh..."I love you a bushel and a peck..."

L: Yeah!! Nonni taught me that song.

M: That's right, she sure did. (and I sing the song to her)

L: Mom? What's a bushel and a peck?

M: (silence..lots of blinking... nervous giggling...) it means...like...a whole lot...Nonni loves you a LOT! (hoping she'll move on...and she does)

L: Mom (as she watches me getting items ready for my martini) what's that?

M: It's a martini.

L: What are you putting in there?

M: Vodka. Vermouth. Ice.

L: That's a drink like Josh.

M: It's a drink Josh likes, yes...

L: Does Mike drink martinis?

M: No. He doesn't.

L: What does Mike drink?

M: (thinking...this is all I need is for her to go to school saying Uncle Mike drinks vodka and orange juice so I say...) I don't know

L: He drinks beer. Mike drinks beer.

M: That's right. He does drink beer at the beach, you're right...

L: What does Nonni drink?

M: Nonni drinks wine.

L: You like wine doncha Mama?

M: (snickering) Yes, Lauren, I do like wine...

L: Who else drinks martinis?

M: I don't know, who?

L: Josh. Josh drinks martinis. I drink milk.

M: That's right.

L: Poppo. Poppo drinks martinis...

M: Well, he USED to drink martinis...

L: What does Papa drink?

M: Papa? COKE. Just COKE.

I'm so going to hell...or at least getting an interesting note from her teacher at school when she explains that a martini is vodka, vermouth and ice.

A conversation about supper

M: Lauren, your supper is ready. Would you like an apple?

L: Yes! Uh apple!

M: OK, would you like corn or green beans?

L: (confused. thinking...) uh apple!

M: Yes, I know, you'll get an apple, but do you want corn or green beans?

L: (more thinking) uh apple!

M: Yes Lauren. The apple is your fruit. You need to pick a vegetable. Corn or green beans?

L: uh apple!

M: (frustrated but laughing) OK, Lauren. Pick a VEGETABLE. Corn or green beans?

L: uh...corn!

M: Corn! Great!

L: (laughing and talking to herself) I picked a BEJ-TUH-BULL...

Yes Lauren, you sure did...