This afternoon, Lauren wanted to watch some TV. I turned the TV on but didn't immediately change the channel to her show. The channel had some sort of fishing show and the man was scooping a scallop out of its shell. Lauren started asking a zillion questions about what he was doing. Chad grabbed his iTouch and started googling scallops to show her. They talked a little bit about them and she turned to me and began asking me things...
L: Mom? What do you DO with scallops?
M: You eat them. They are delicious!
L: (guffawing) MOM you can't eat them! They are animals!
M: *gulp* (oh boy...is this the moment she become vegetarian?) Yes honey, we eat animals. Chicken, fish, turkey...those are all animals.
L: Yeah?
M: You remember Uncle Rich? He makes REALLY good scallops. We'll have to ask him to make them for us sometime.
L: Yeah!
Quiet. She's thinking...
L: Mom? Auntie Kim makes really good cow.
M: Really?
L: Yeah, it's a kind of egg. Like a shell made of vitamins with a little cow inside!
M: Hmmm...that's really interesting Lauren...
And I quickly changed the channel to a Lauren show.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
A future in show business
This morning Lauren's imagination is cranking. She's been in her bedroom setting up a "show." She asked if I would help her get a curtain to use for her stage. I rigged up a sheet she could use and preparation for the show began.
About five minutes pass and she comes and gets me and says, "The audience is getting ready! I need you to come be the audience!" I go in her room and patiently wait for the show to begin.
However, instead of preparing for the show, the director was very involved in setting up the audience. Trip after trip to the playroom to bring back various stuffed animals and babydolls...carefully placing each member of the audience and addressing them by name such as "Mr. Pablo" and "Ms. Rosie." I kept asking if the show was going to start and was told that it would be "in just a second!"
The show finally begins and the curtain opens.
The setup. Ella Bunny and Henry are sitting facing each other. Hannah is wrapped in a silk scarf and playing the role of "Baby Jesus." Hmm...wonder where this is going? Hannah is placed between Ella and Henry and KiKi (her blanket) is draped over Ella's head thus making her "Mary." There is an angel (a beanie baby bear) also present in the scene. No dialogue is exchanged, but a little music box sitting on the floor beside the animals is wound up and begins playing. The music box has a little ballerina that spins around and apparently she's part of the show. Lauren suddenly leaves her bedroom and comes back with a toy dinosaur. The dinosaur begins roaring in an attempt to frighten the ballerina. The dinosaur attacks the ballerina and succeeds in knocking her off her pedestal. End scene.
The curtain closes and I ask if the show is over. Lauren thinks for a moment and then jumps like she's getting ready to do jumping jacks (legs spread apart, arms stretched out)...
L: Who's opening the curtain?
M: Who's opening the curtain?
L: No Mom, you're supposed to say who.
M: Oh...who?
L: No Mom, you're supposed to say WHO.
M: Oh...Lauren?
L: *big smile* (another jump) Who's bringing things to the people?
M: (hesitantly) Lauren?
L: *big smile* (another jump) Who's giving the bunny ears to people?
M: (confidently) LAUREN!
L: NO! The penguin! (and runs to her closet and produces a pink flamingo)
M: That's a flamingo.
L: (not interested in having the penguin/flamingo debate - jumps again) Who's giving pillows to everyone?
M: (knowing it's the wrong answer) Lauren?
L: NO! Checker Madison! (and produces a beanie baby dog from the closet)
M: *staring blankly* (who's Checker Madison???)
L: (jumps again) Who's bringing shoes to everyone?
M: (*sigh* this show has taken a weird turn) Lauren?
L: NO! Sucker Sadderman! (and produces a blue elephant)
M: Is this the show?
L: The show will be back in just a minute. (thinking) The WIGGLES will be here any minute! Murray, Jeff, Greg...You have to yell "WIGGLES!"
M: WIGGLES!
L: (runs out of the room and comes back with a Wiggles DVD) Mom. We need a little TV in here so we can watch the show.
M: We don't have a little TV.
L: OH. Well, after we go to the library, can we go see The Wiggles?
M: Hunh?
And in order to end the madness, I said...
M: Is the show over?
L: (turns to Henry and Ella and asks if the show is over) Yes. It's over.
M: (loud applause) YAY! Great show Lauren!
End scene.
About five minutes pass and she comes and gets me and says, "The audience is getting ready! I need you to come be the audience!" I go in her room and patiently wait for the show to begin.
However, instead of preparing for the show, the director was very involved in setting up the audience. Trip after trip to the playroom to bring back various stuffed animals and babydolls...carefully placing each member of the audience and addressing them by name such as "Mr. Pablo" and "Ms. Rosie." I kept asking if the show was going to start and was told that it would be "in just a second!"
The show finally begins and the curtain opens.
The setup. Ella Bunny and Henry are sitting facing each other. Hannah is wrapped in a silk scarf and playing the role of "Baby Jesus." Hmm...wonder where this is going? Hannah is placed between Ella and Henry and KiKi (her blanket) is draped over Ella's head thus making her "Mary." There is an angel (a beanie baby bear) also present in the scene. No dialogue is exchanged, but a little music box sitting on the floor beside the animals is wound up and begins playing. The music box has a little ballerina that spins around and apparently she's part of the show. Lauren suddenly leaves her bedroom and comes back with a toy dinosaur. The dinosaur begins roaring in an attempt to frighten the ballerina. The dinosaur attacks the ballerina and succeeds in knocking her off her pedestal. End scene.
The curtain closes and I ask if the show is over. Lauren thinks for a moment and then jumps like she's getting ready to do jumping jacks (legs spread apart, arms stretched out)...
L: Who's opening the curtain?
M: Who's opening the curtain?
L: No Mom, you're supposed to say who.
M: Oh...who?
L: No Mom, you're supposed to say WHO.
M: Oh...Lauren?
L: *big smile* (another jump) Who's bringing things to the people?
M: (hesitantly) Lauren?
L: *big smile* (another jump) Who's giving the bunny ears to people?
M: (confidently) LAUREN!
L: NO! The penguin! (and runs to her closet and produces a pink flamingo)
M: That's a flamingo.
L: (not interested in having the penguin/flamingo debate - jumps again) Who's giving pillows to everyone?
M: (knowing it's the wrong answer) Lauren?
L: NO! Checker Madison! (and produces a beanie baby dog from the closet)
M: *staring blankly* (who's Checker Madison???)
L: (jumps again) Who's bringing shoes to everyone?
M: (*sigh* this show has taken a weird turn) Lauren?
L: NO! Sucker Sadderman! (and produces a blue elephant)
M: Is this the show?
L: The show will be back in just a minute. (thinking) The WIGGLES will be here any minute! Murray, Jeff, Greg...You have to yell "WIGGLES!"
M: WIGGLES!
L: (runs out of the room and comes back with a Wiggles DVD) Mom. We need a little TV in here so we can watch the show.
M: We don't have a little TV.
L: OH. Well, after we go to the library, can we go see The Wiggles?
M: Hunh?
And in order to end the madness, I said...
M: Is the show over?
L: (turns to Henry and Ella and asks if the show is over) Yes. It's over.
M: (loud applause) YAY! Great show Lauren!
End scene.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
That silly Ducky...
Many a month has passed since my last blog entry. Honestly, if I sat with a tape recorder in hand, I could have a non-stop stream of hilarious conversations I have on a daily basis with my child. In the past two days, Lauren has decided that naps are not a necessary part of her day. I think my heart rate just accelerated as I typed that last statement. Naps equal sanity in this house. No naps? Yeah, you guessed it.
When I went into Lauren's room to calmly (fingernails digging into palms of hands) to discuss the "no nap situation" she said, "Mom. I was asleep. I was! But my animals wanted to play...Ducky said..." And then I tuned her out. Seriously? The animals? Ducky? It's always Ducky getting into some sort of trouble. Who needs an imaginary friend when you can blame everything on your sweet lovey Ducky? The sweet lovey you've had since you were an infant. Damn duck.
So we're bumping along thru the afternoon today (just remember, no nap...)
L: Mom? I want a snack. (walking towards the kitchen and opening fridge) Can I have pickles?
M: No.
L: But Mom (little whine)...I want pickles.
M: No.
L: But Moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom (lot more whine) I. Just. Want. Pickles.
M: I. Said. No.
This conversation ends with Lauren sitting in time out for one minute for continuing to argue with me.
Lauren finds something to do and seems content and distracted. Ten minutes pass and the snack situation is still unresolved.
L: Mom? I still want a snack.
M: (taking her into my lap) How about a piece of that homemade bread we made yesterday with some BUTTER ON IT? (excitement gleaming in my eyes) AND then you could take it in the den and watch "The Music Man!"
L: Mom? What if we take two pieces of bread...and some cheese...and make like...like...a SANDWICH (excitement in HER eyes now)! How about a GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH?
M: Wait. Grilled cheese? That's supper. That's not a snack.
L: OK. Well, how about just a cheeeeeeeeeese sandwich. Not grilled.
M: How about a bowl of dry cereal?
L: With my piece of bread and butter?
M: Uh... (how did we get back to the bread and butter so fast?)
L: You know what Ducky likes? He likes FROOT LOOP SANDWICHES! (and she starts guffawing likes it's the funniest thing she's ever heard) Can I have a Froot Loop sandwich?
That Ducky...
When I went into Lauren's room to calmly (fingernails digging into palms of hands) to discuss the "no nap situation" she said, "Mom. I was asleep. I was! But my animals wanted to play...Ducky said..." And then I tuned her out. Seriously? The animals? Ducky? It's always Ducky getting into some sort of trouble. Who needs an imaginary friend when you can blame everything on your sweet lovey Ducky? The sweet lovey you've had since you were an infant. Damn duck.
So we're bumping along thru the afternoon today (just remember, no nap...)
L: Mom? I want a snack. (walking towards the kitchen and opening fridge) Can I have pickles?
M: No.
L: But Mom (little whine)...I want pickles.
M: No.
L: But Moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom (lot more whine) I. Just. Want. Pickles.
M: I. Said. No.
This conversation ends with Lauren sitting in time out for one minute for continuing to argue with me.
Lauren finds something to do and seems content and distracted. Ten minutes pass and the snack situation is still unresolved.
L: Mom? I still want a snack.
M: (taking her into my lap) How about a piece of that homemade bread we made yesterday with some BUTTER ON IT? (excitement gleaming in my eyes) AND then you could take it in the den and watch "The Music Man!"
L: Mom? What if we take two pieces of bread...and some cheese...and make like...like...a SANDWICH (excitement in HER eyes now)! How about a GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH?
M: Wait. Grilled cheese? That's supper. That's not a snack.
L: OK. Well, how about just a cheeeeeeeeeese sandwich. Not grilled.
M: How about a bowl of dry cereal?
L: With my piece of bread and butter?
M: Uh... (how did we get back to the bread and butter so fast?)
L: You know what Ducky likes? He likes FROOT LOOP SANDWICHES! (and she starts guffawing likes it's the funniest thing she's ever heard) Can I have a Froot Loop sandwich?
That Ducky...
Thursday, January 8, 2009
It's a JOKE Mama!
My child recently started telling knock-knock jokes. She only really knows one, but tries to make up multiple ones using the same punch line. It goes like this...
L: Knock-Knock!
M: Who's there?
L: Lion.
M: Lion who?
L: Lion in his bed!!! (Get it? Lion/Lyin' in his bed...)
She roars with laughter everytime. So she tries other things...
L: Knock-Knock!
M: Who's there?
L: TV.
M: TV who?
L: TV IN HIS BED!! Bwhahahahahahhahaha!
M: *blank stare*
Last night Lauren's bestest pal Dustin was over and Lauren tried out her joke on him. He laughed and then shared a joke with her...
D: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
L: *blank stare* I don't know...a fish with no eyes?
D: Fsh!
L: *blink blink*
D: Get it? Fsh!
Chad then says to Dustin, "You do realize you're using a joke that involves spelling to someone who can't spell, right?"
So this morning, we're driving to school and Lauren is chattering away in the backseat asking me ten thousand questions about all kinds of things and then says...
L: Mom, what do you call a monster with no eyes?
M: A monster with no eyes?
L: Yeah! What do you call a monster with no eyes?
M: I have no idea.
L: He's tickling the fish! Get it? Get it? Do you get it Mama???
M: *roaring laughter*
L: Knock-Knock!
M: Who's there?
L: Lion.
M: Lion who?
L: Lion in his bed!!! (Get it? Lion/Lyin' in his bed...)
She roars with laughter everytime. So she tries other things...
L: Knock-Knock!
M: Who's there?
L: TV.
M: TV who?
L: TV IN HIS BED!! Bwhahahahahahhahaha!
M: *blank stare*
Last night Lauren's bestest pal Dustin was over and Lauren tried out her joke on him. He laughed and then shared a joke with her...
D: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
L: *blank stare* I don't know...a fish with no eyes?
D: Fsh!
L: *blink blink*
D: Get it? Fsh!
Chad then says to Dustin, "You do realize you're using a joke that involves spelling to someone who can't spell, right?"
So this morning, we're driving to school and Lauren is chattering away in the backseat asking me ten thousand questions about all kinds of things and then says...
L: Mom, what do you call a monster with no eyes?
M: A monster with no eyes?
L: Yeah! What do you call a monster with no eyes?
M: I have no idea.
L: He's tickling the fish! Get it? Get it? Do you get it Mama???
M: *roaring laughter*
Monday, November 17, 2008
good stuff
This afternoon I'm trying to quietly work on our family website, but there's a little person who is sitting at her table next to my desk chattering away about random things blipping into her brain. For some reason she started talking about the Charter cable dude that was here for our installation oh...about 2.5 months ago? She keeps saying he needs to come fix our TV.
M: Who needs to fix our TV?
L: The Camel Guy.
M: The cable guy?
L: Yeah, the Copper Man.
M: Lauren, I'm not sure what you're referring to...
L: I'm not "ferring to" I'm talking.
M: Who needs to fix our TV?
L: The Camel Guy.
M: The cable guy?
L: Yeah, the Copper Man.
M: Lauren, I'm not sure what you're referring to...
L: I'm not "ferring to" I'm talking.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Lauren's List
Last night while Lauren was eating her supper, we were discussing fall and winter. She keeps asking me why it's dark when she's eating supper these days. Daylight savings time is a fairly complex concept for a three year old to grasp...
Somehow we ended up talking about Santa coming to visit this year. I asked her what kinds of things she might like Santa to bring. After some serious thinking on Lauren's part, she developed the following list...in this order...
princess dresses
necklaces
bracelets
crowns
magic wands
an elephant...a cozy little elephant
counting bears
dolls
toy trucks
butterfly wings
a snow cup
toy umbrella
bird seed
acorns to feed the squirrels
And there you have it.
Somehow we ended up talking about Santa coming to visit this year. I asked her what kinds of things she might like Santa to bring. After some serious thinking on Lauren's part, she developed the following list...in this order...
princess dresses
necklaces
bracelets
crowns
magic wands
an elephant...a cozy little elephant
counting bears
dolls
toy trucks
butterfly wings
a snow cup
toy umbrella
bird seed
acorns to feed the squirrels
And there you have it.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Tell me a story 'bout...
Every night, as part of Lauren's bedtime routine, we read several books and then tuck her into bed. The last month or so, as you're tucking her in she'll say, "Tell me a story 'bout..." and she'll say Dora the Explorer, or Backyardigans, or about when she was a baby, etc. Last night she was so cute, so I had to post it...
L: Mom, tell me a story 'bout Josh.
M: Josh? Let's see. Josh...well Josh loves art. He loves to draw pictures and paint and sculpt and sew... You know what Josh loves more than anything? (planning to say "Spending time with Lauren!")
L: (enthusiastically) MIKE!
L: Mom, tell me a story 'bout Josh.
M: Josh? Let's see. Josh...well Josh loves art. He loves to draw pictures and paint and sculpt and sew... You know what Josh loves more than anything? (planning to say "Spending time with Lauren!")
L: (enthusiastically) MIKE!
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