A future in show business

This morning Lauren's imagination is cranking. She's been in her bedroom setting up a "show." She asked if I would help her get a curtain to use for her stage. I rigged up a sheet she could use and preparation for the show began.

About five minutes pass and she comes and gets me and says, "The audience is getting ready! I need you to come be the audience!" I go in her room and patiently wait for the show to begin.

However, instead of preparing for the show, the director was very involved in setting up the audience. Trip after trip to the playroom to bring back various stuffed animals and babydolls...carefully placing each member of the audience and addressing them by name such as "Mr. Pablo" and "Ms. Rosie." I kept asking if the show was going to start and was told that it would be "in just a second!"

The show finally begins and the curtain opens.

The setup. Ella Bunny and Henry are sitting facing each other. Hannah is wrapped in a silk scarf and playing the role of "Baby Jesus." Hmm...wonder where this is going? Hannah is placed between Ella and Henry and KiKi (her blanket) is draped over Ella's head thus making her "Mary." There is an angel (a beanie baby bear) also present in the scene. No dialogue is exchanged, but a little music box sitting on the floor beside the animals is wound up and begins playing. The music box has a little ballerina that spins around and apparently she's part of the show. Lauren suddenly leaves her bedroom and comes back with a toy dinosaur. The dinosaur begins roaring in an attempt to frighten the ballerina. The dinosaur attacks the ballerina and succeeds in knocking her off her pedestal. End scene.

The curtain closes and I ask if the show is over. Lauren thinks for a moment and then jumps like she's getting ready to do jumping jacks (legs spread apart, arms stretched out)...

L: Who's opening the curtain?

M: Who's opening the curtain?

L: No Mom, you're supposed to say who.

M: Oh...who?

L: No Mom, you're supposed to say WHO.

M: Oh...Lauren?

L: *big smile* (another jump) Who's bringing things to the people?

M: (hesitantly) Lauren?

L: *big smile* (another jump) Who's giving the bunny ears to people?

M: (confidently) LAUREN!

L: NO! The penguin! (and runs to her closet and produces a pink flamingo)

M: That's a flamingo.

L: (not interested in having the penguin/flamingo debate - jumps again) Who's giving pillows to everyone?

M: (knowing it's the wrong answer) Lauren?

L: NO! Checker Madison! (and produces a beanie baby dog from the closet)

M: *staring blankly* (who's Checker Madison???)

L: (jumps again) Who's bringing shoes to everyone?

M: (*sigh* this show has taken a weird turn) Lauren?

L: NO! Sucker Sadderman! (and produces a blue elephant)

M: Is this the show?

L: The show will be back in just a minute. (thinking) The WIGGLES will be here any minute! Murray, Jeff, Greg...You have to yell "WIGGLES!"

M: WIGGLES!

L: (runs out of the room and comes back with a Wiggles DVD) Mom. We need a little TV in here so we can watch the show.

M: We don't have a little TV.

L: OH. Well, after we go to the library, can we go see The Wiggles?

M: Hunh?

And in order to end the madness, I said...

M: Is the show over?

L: (turns to Henry and Ella and asks if the show is over) Yes. It's over.

M: (loud applause) YAY! Great show Lauren!

End scene.

That silly Ducky...

Many a month has passed since my last blog entry. Honestly, if I sat with a tape recorder in hand, I could have a non-stop stream of hilarious conversations I have on a daily basis with my child. In the past two days, Lauren has decided that naps are not a necessary part of her day. I think my heart rate just accelerated as I typed that last statement. Naps equal sanity in this house. No naps? Yeah, you guessed it.

When I went into Lauren's room to calmly (fingernails digging into palms of hands) to discuss the "no nap situation" she said, "Mom. I was asleep. I was! But my animals wanted to play...Ducky said..." And then I tuned her out. Seriously? The animals? Ducky? It's always Ducky getting into some sort of trouble. Who needs an imaginary friend when you can blame everything on your sweet lovey Ducky? The sweet lovey you've had since you were an infant. Damn duck.

So we're bumping along thru the afternoon today (just remember, no nap...)

L: Mom? I want a snack. (walking towards the kitchen and opening fridge) Can I have pickles?

M: No.

L: But Mom (little whine)...I want pickles.

M: No.

L: But Moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom (lot more whine) I. Just. Want. Pickles.

M: I. Said. No.

This conversation ends with Lauren sitting in time out for one minute for continuing to argue with me.

Lauren finds something to do and seems content and distracted. Ten minutes pass and the snack situation is still unresolved.

L: Mom? I still want a snack.

M: (taking her into my lap) How about a piece of that homemade bread we made yesterday with some BUTTER ON IT? (excitement gleaming in my eyes) AND then you could take it in the den and watch "The Music Man!"

L: Mom? What if we take two pieces of bread...and some cheese...and make like...like...a SANDWICH (excitement in HER eyes now)! How about a GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH?

M: Wait. Grilled cheese? That's supper. That's not a snack.

L: OK. Well, how about just a cheeeeeeeeeese sandwich. Not grilled.

M: How about a bowl of dry cereal?

L: With my piece of bread and butter?

M: Uh... (how did we get back to the bread and butter so fast?)

L: You know what Ducky likes? He likes FROOT LOOP SANDWICHES! (and she starts guffawing likes it's the funniest thing she's ever heard) Can I have a Froot Loop sandwich?

That Ducky...