This afternoon I'm trying to quietly work on our family website, but there's a little person who is sitting at her table next to my desk chattering away about random things blipping into her brain. For some reason she started talking about the Charter cable dude that was here for our installation oh...about 2.5 months ago? She keeps saying he needs to come fix our TV.
M: Who needs to fix our TV?
L: The Camel Guy.
M: The cable guy?
L: Yeah, the Copper Man.
M: Lauren, I'm not sure what you're referring to...
L: I'm not "ferring to" I'm talking.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Lauren's List
Last night while Lauren was eating her supper, we were discussing fall and winter. She keeps asking me why it's dark when she's eating supper these days. Daylight savings time is a fairly complex concept for a three year old to grasp...
Somehow we ended up talking about Santa coming to visit this year. I asked her what kinds of things she might like Santa to bring. After some serious thinking on Lauren's part, she developed the following list...in this order...
princess dresses
necklaces
bracelets
crowns
magic wands
an elephant...a cozy little elephant
counting bears
dolls
toy trucks
butterfly wings
a snow cup
toy umbrella
bird seed
acorns to feed the squirrels
And there you have it.
Somehow we ended up talking about Santa coming to visit this year. I asked her what kinds of things she might like Santa to bring. After some serious thinking on Lauren's part, she developed the following list...in this order...
princess dresses
necklaces
bracelets
crowns
magic wands
an elephant...a cozy little elephant
counting bears
dolls
toy trucks
butterfly wings
a snow cup
toy umbrella
bird seed
acorns to feed the squirrels
And there you have it.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Tell me a story 'bout...
Every night, as part of Lauren's bedtime routine, we read several books and then tuck her into bed. The last month or so, as you're tucking her in she'll say, "Tell me a story 'bout..." and she'll say Dora the Explorer, or Backyardigans, or about when she was a baby, etc. Last night she was so cute, so I had to post it...
L: Mom, tell me a story 'bout Josh.
M: Josh? Let's see. Josh...well Josh loves art. He loves to draw pictures and paint and sculpt and sew... You know what Josh loves more than anything? (planning to say "Spending time with Lauren!")
L: (enthusiastically) MIKE!
L: Mom, tell me a story 'bout Josh.
M: Josh? Let's see. Josh...well Josh loves art. He loves to draw pictures and paint and sculpt and sew... You know what Josh loves more than anything? (planning to say "Spending time with Lauren!")
L: (enthusiastically) MIKE!
Monday, September 29, 2008
You need eyes to sleep
This afternoon I was getting Lauren's room ready for naptime and asked her to go find KiKi (her striped blanket I knew was in the living room). She was puttering around her room and not really listening to me...
M: Lauren, please go get KiKi. KiKi wants to take a nap too.
L: But Mama (with a troubled, serious look on her face)...KiKi doesn't have eyes!
That's toddler logic for you...how could KiKi take a nap if there aren't any eyes to close? Makes perfect sense.
M: Lauren, please go get KiKi. KiKi wants to take a nap too.
L: But Mama (with a troubled, serious look on her face)...KiKi doesn't have eyes!
That's toddler logic for you...how could KiKi take a nap if there aren't any eyes to close? Makes perfect sense.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Martinis and Motherhood
It's happy hour... which means I've fixed Lauren's supper and she is sitting here at the bar eating while I commence preparing my evening cocktail...a lovely martini... Here's the conversation:
L: (singing) I love you a bull and a pet...
M: What are you singing...ohhhh..."I love you a bushel and a peck..."
L: Yeah!! Nonni taught me that song.
M: That's right, she sure did. (and I sing the song to her)
L: Mom? What's a bushel and a peck?
M: (silence..lots of blinking... nervous giggling...) it means...like...a whole lot...Nonni loves you a LOT! (hoping she'll move on...and she does)
L: Mom (as she watches me getting items ready for my martini) what's that?
M: It's a martini.
L: What are you putting in there?
M: Vodka. Vermouth. Ice.
L: That's a drink like Josh.
M: It's a drink Josh likes, yes...
L: Does Mike drink martinis?
M: No. He doesn't.
L: What does Mike drink?
M: (thinking...this is all I need is for her to go to school saying Uncle Mike drinks vodka and orange juice so I say...) I don't know
L: He drinks beer. Mike drinks beer.
M: That's right. He does drink beer at the beach, you're right...
L: What does Nonni drink?
M: Nonni drinks wine.
L: You like wine doncha Mama?
M: (snickering) Yes, Lauren, I do like wine...
L: Who else drinks martinis?
M: I don't know, who?
L: Josh. Josh drinks martinis. I drink milk.
M: That's right.
L: Poppo. Poppo drinks martinis...
M: Well, he USED to drink martinis...
L: What does Papa drink?
M: Papa? COKE. Just COKE.
I'm so going to hell...or at least getting an interesting note from her teacher at school when she explains that a martini is vodka, vermouth and ice.
L: (singing) I love you a bull and a pet...
M: What are you singing...ohhhh..."I love you a bushel and a peck..."
L: Yeah!! Nonni taught me that song.
M: That's right, she sure did. (and I sing the song to her)
L: Mom? What's a bushel and a peck?
M: (silence..lots of blinking... nervous giggling...) it means...like...a whole lot...Nonni loves you a LOT! (hoping she'll move on...and she does)
L: Mom (as she watches me getting items ready for my martini) what's that?
M: It's a martini.
L: What are you putting in there?
M: Vodka. Vermouth. Ice.
L: That's a drink like Josh.
M: It's a drink Josh likes, yes...
L: Does Mike drink martinis?
M: No. He doesn't.
L: What does Mike drink?
M: (thinking...this is all I need is for her to go to school saying Uncle Mike drinks vodka and orange juice so I say...) I don't know
L: He drinks beer. Mike drinks beer.
M: That's right. He does drink beer at the beach, you're right...
L: What does Nonni drink?
M: Nonni drinks wine.
L: You like wine doncha Mama?
M: (snickering) Yes, Lauren, I do like wine...
L: Who else drinks martinis?
M: I don't know, who?
L: Josh. Josh drinks martinis. I drink milk.
M: That's right.
L: Poppo. Poppo drinks martinis...
M: Well, he USED to drink martinis...
L: What does Papa drink?
M: Papa? COKE. Just COKE.
I'm so going to hell...or at least getting an interesting note from her teacher at school when she explains that a martini is vodka, vermouth and ice.
Monday, August 11, 2008
A conversation about supper
M: Lauren, your supper is ready. Would you like an apple?
L: Yes! Uh apple!
M: OK, would you like corn or green beans?
L: (confused. thinking...) uh apple!
M: Yes, I know, you'll get an apple, but do you want corn or green beans?
L: (more thinking) uh apple!
M: Yes Lauren. The apple is your fruit. You need to pick a vegetable. Corn or green beans?
L: uh apple!
M: (frustrated but laughing) OK, Lauren. Pick a VEGETABLE. Corn or green beans?
L: uh...corn!
M: Corn! Great!
L: (laughing and talking to herself) I picked a BEJ-TUH-BULL...
Yes Lauren, you sure did...
L: Yes! Uh apple!
M: OK, would you like corn or green beans?
L: (confused. thinking...) uh apple!
M: Yes, I know, you'll get an apple, but do you want corn or green beans?
L: (more thinking) uh apple!
M: Yes Lauren. The apple is your fruit. You need to pick a vegetable. Corn or green beans?
L: uh apple!
M: (frustrated but laughing) OK, Lauren. Pick a VEGETABLE. Corn or green beans?
L: uh...corn!
M: Corn! Great!
L: (laughing and talking to herself) I picked a BEJ-TUH-BULL...
Yes Lauren, you sure did...
A Weekend with The Nonni
Brodie and I celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary on Friday. In honor of this special occasion, we went to Charleston (where we honeymooned!) for a long weekend - away from Lauren! The Nonni (my mom) came to stay with Lauren and agreed to be a "guest blogger" (as requested by WG2)...
The following are notes taken by the Nonni this past weekend...
L: Nonni, will you play with me?
N: Oh yes! We'll play and sing silly songs and read books and have lots of fun!
L: (turning to Mama) Mom, are you going some place?
M: Yes, Daddy and I are going on a trip.
L: Mom, can you go away now?
We were sitting on the floor playing with her Fisher-Price Little People school bus and Noah's Ark figures. I asked if she knew the song, "If You're Happy and You Know It." She nodded. I sang three verses and she pantomined along. When I began a 4th verse, she said with finality, "That's enough."
She wanted me to read an "I Spy" book to her. Knowing that she had memorized every word already, I suggest that she read it to me instead. She said, "No you tell me what the words are!" One of the pages showed a picture of a flip-flop. I asked her if she knew what it was called. She said, "A thlip-thlop." Close enough...
She brought her lovie "Ducky" into the living room and asked me, "Who...who...who is Ducky's Nonni?" I said I didn't know. She said, "I'll pick out Ducky's Nonni, " went into her room and came back with Ella Bunny and announced that she was Ducky's Nonni. She set both of them on the floor behind the loveseat. The she wanted to know who was Ducky's mother. Snowball (the white bunny) was assigned that role. Next came Henry (the bear) as Ducky's father, followed by Baby (the Prayer Bear), Kitty, a large fleece sheep whose name on the spur of the moment became "Chelly-La...no, Chelly-LA-la," another small sheep, and Olive the turtle. When all were placed in a row, they were pronounced to be "her family and her CHIDREN."
When I told her it was dinnertime, she said, "I'm not hungry." I waited awhile and then asked her if she'd like to help me prepare some snacks for an "Hors D'Oeuvres Party." She was only too eager to assist. An inventory of the fridge produced the following: string cheese, cream cheese (for a spread), turkey cold cuts, and pickled okra. To this was added one fresh cherry tomato because "I like TOE-MAY-TOES," she said several times. We spread the cream cheese on fresh-baked bread, then cut it into tiny triangles and set them on a tray. (The silver serving tray had not come back from the jeweler's, so we substituted a toaster oven tray.) We rolled several slices of cold cuts tightly then sliced them into Princess-size pinwheels. Next we sliced several okra pods into coins, as well as the string cheese. The quartered tomato was added as the touch of color, and all was ready for the party.
Princess Lauren, attired appropriately in her regal pink princess dress, fucshia underskirt, jewelled necklace, ballet slippers (Dora bedroom slippers), and princess be-ribboned hat invited everyone to join her in the castle for the party. Nonni was assigned the role of king, whose name was decreed to be "Mr. King." When questioned by the Princess about the absence of balloons and "ribbons" (crepe-paper streamers?) and presents, the "king" replied that those items were appropriate for birthday parties, but not for hors d'ouevres parties. Some discussion followed about the nature of parties where the principal function is just getting together with friends to laugh and talk and eat and drink.
The Princess devoured all items on the hors d'oeuvres tray and requested more pickles! The king promptly fetched them.
The Princess used her magic wand to cast a spell on the Royal Yorkie (Ellie) and turn her into a ship to take the Princess over the ocean, but since Yorkies are notoriously spell-resistant, the spell-casting failed and we were left with -----sigh-----a Yorkie.
The following are notes taken by the Nonni this past weekend...
L: Nonni, will you play with me?
N: Oh yes! We'll play and sing silly songs and read books and have lots of fun!
L: (turning to Mama) Mom, are you going some place?
M: Yes, Daddy and I are going on a trip.
L: Mom, can you go away now?
We were sitting on the floor playing with her Fisher-Price Little People school bus and Noah's Ark figures. I asked if she knew the song, "If You're Happy and You Know It." She nodded. I sang three verses and she pantomined along. When I began a 4th verse, she said with finality, "That's enough."
She wanted me to read an "I Spy" book to her. Knowing that she had memorized every word already, I suggest that she read it to me instead. She said, "No you tell me what the words are!" One of the pages showed a picture of a flip-flop. I asked her if she knew what it was called. She said, "A thlip-thlop." Close enough...
She brought her lovie "Ducky" into the living room and asked me, "Who...who...who is Ducky's Nonni?" I said I didn't know. She said, "I'll pick out Ducky's Nonni, " went into her room and came back with Ella Bunny and announced that she was Ducky's Nonni. She set both of them on the floor behind the loveseat. The she wanted to know who was Ducky's mother. Snowball (the white bunny) was assigned that role. Next came Henry (the bear) as Ducky's father, followed by Baby (the Prayer Bear), Kitty, a large fleece sheep whose name on the spur of the moment became "Chelly-La...no, Chelly-LA-la," another small sheep, and Olive the turtle. When all were placed in a row, they were pronounced to be "her family and her CHIDREN."
When I told her it was dinnertime, she said, "I'm not hungry." I waited awhile and then asked her if she'd like to help me prepare some snacks for an "Hors D'Oeuvres Party." She was only too eager to assist. An inventory of the fridge produced the following: string cheese, cream cheese (for a spread), turkey cold cuts, and pickled okra. To this was added one fresh cherry tomato because "I like TOE-MAY-TOES," she said several times. We spread the cream cheese on fresh-baked bread, then cut it into tiny triangles and set them on a tray. (The silver serving tray had not come back from the jeweler's, so we substituted a toaster oven tray.) We rolled several slices of cold cuts tightly then sliced them into Princess-size pinwheels. Next we sliced several okra pods into coins, as well as the string cheese. The quartered tomato was added as the touch of color, and all was ready for the party.
Princess Lauren, attired appropriately in her regal pink princess dress, fucshia underskirt, jewelled necklace, ballet slippers (Dora bedroom slippers), and princess be-ribboned hat invited everyone to join her in the castle for the party. Nonni was assigned the role of king, whose name was decreed to be "Mr. King." When questioned by the Princess about the absence of balloons and "ribbons" (crepe-paper streamers?) and presents, the "king" replied that those items were appropriate for birthday parties, but not for hors d'ouevres parties. Some discussion followed about the nature of parties where the principal function is just getting together with friends to laugh and talk and eat and drink.
The Princess devoured all items on the hors d'oeuvres tray and requested more pickles! The king promptly fetched them.
The Princess used her magic wand to cast a spell on the Royal Yorkie (Ellie) and turn her into a ship to take the Princess over the ocean, but since Yorkies are notoriously spell-resistant, the spell-casting failed and we were left with -----sigh-----a Yorkie.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Another lesson from Lauren
When I started this blog I wasn't entirely sure what direction it would take me. The last two posts have contained conversations between myself and my child. I always think of that stupid tv show that was on several years ago "Kids Say the Darndest Things" with Bill Cosby as the host. As of this morning I've realized that the purpose of this blog will be to share the conversations I have with my child on a daily basis because kids certainly do say the darndest things...
This moring I saw a hummingbird perched on my hanging flower basket just resting. I picked Lauren up and pointed it out. We talked about how tiny and cute he was. And then...
L: Do they eat flowers?
M: Well, no, not really, they like to get the nectar out of the flowers...kind of like bees do...see that feeder hanging there? That has nectar in it that Mama puts out for the hummingbirds, but they also like to drink it from the flowers.
L: (thinking) What do foxes eat?
M: Ummm...(wondering how the conversation switched gears so quickly and trying to catch up) I'm not sure...uh...maybe...chicken?
L: (thinking) Cheetos?
M: (thinking she said cheetahs) Cheetahs? What do cheetahs eat?
L: No. Cheetos.
M: Cheetos? Foxes eat cheetos?
L: Yes.
M: Oh...ok...
L: And elephants eat blueberries.
M: Elephants eat blueberries?
L: Horses. Horses eat grass.
M: Yes they do.
L: You know what eats leaves? (and mimics holding leaves and chewing them)
M: What eats leaves?
L: Um...um...CATERPILLARS!!!! (very proud of herself)
M: That's right!
L: What does the sun eat?
M: The sun? Uh...I don't know...
L: I think roses. Like Dorothy the Dinosaur.
This moring I saw a hummingbird perched on my hanging flower basket just resting. I picked Lauren up and pointed it out. We talked about how tiny and cute he was. And then...
L: Do they eat flowers?
M: Well, no, not really, they like to get the nectar out of the flowers...kind of like bees do...see that feeder hanging there? That has nectar in it that Mama puts out for the hummingbirds, but they also like to drink it from the flowers.
L: (thinking) What do foxes eat?
M: Ummm...(wondering how the conversation switched gears so quickly and trying to catch up) I'm not sure...uh...maybe...chicken?
L: (thinking) Cheetos?
M: (thinking she said cheetahs) Cheetahs? What do cheetahs eat?
L: No. Cheetos.
M: Cheetos? Foxes eat cheetos?
L: Yes.
M: Oh...ok...
L: And elephants eat blueberries.
M: Elephants eat blueberries?
L: Horses. Horses eat grass.
M: Yes they do.
L: You know what eats leaves? (and mimics holding leaves and chewing them)
M: What eats leaves?
L: Um...um...CATERPILLARS!!!! (very proud of herself)
M: That's right!
L: What does the sun eat?
M: The sun? Uh...I don't know...
L: I think roses. Like Dorothy the Dinosaur.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Our resident artist
My child loves art. She loves being messy. She loves to paint and draw.
About a month ago Chad and I invested in a bunch of art supplies and organizational drawers and bins to store it all in. My thought was that if the stuff is in a place she can get to it, she can tap into her creative side anytime she wants.
So the artist has been hard at work for several weeks now. In addition to paint, markers, crayons, colored pencils and paper, we got her some pom-pons of varying sizes, buttons, feathers and googly eyes! She's fascinated with the idea of gluing stuff down and has done some pretty interesting (abstract?) pieces using the buttons and pom-pons!
This afternoon she decided she wanted to paint (watercolors) some animals. She asked for help from me. I asked her what animal she wanted to paint...
L: An elephant.
M: OK, does an elephant have a big body or a little body?
L: big body
M: OK, let's paint a big body... (painting by Mama)
L: elephants are brown (as I'm painting the body blue)
M: They are?
L: Yeah, at the zoo. 'Member? And they eat. And they need to drink water. 'Member?
M: Right. OK, let's paint the head (using brown paint now)...does an elephant have big ears or little ears?
L: big ears
M: OK, let's paint the ears...(more brown) What about an elephant's face? What does it have on it's face?
L: (pointing to her nose and scrunching it up) a nose!
M: a trunk?
L: yeah! a trunk!
M: Can you paint the trunk? (hand over paintbrush)
L: Sure! (paints trunk beside the ear) Where's its other ear?
M: I don't know...where is its other ear? Can you paint it?
L: Sure! (paints ear on side of head) it needs eyes...
M: OK...paint some eyes! (she paints an eye)
L: where's its other eye?
M: I don't know, where is its other eye?
L: (FLIPS PAPER OVER) Here it is! (and paints an eye on the back side of the paper) It's on the other side!
Of course, why didn't I think of that?
About a month ago Chad and I invested in a bunch of art supplies and organizational drawers and bins to store it all in. My thought was that if the stuff is in a place she can get to it, she can tap into her creative side anytime she wants.
So the artist has been hard at work for several weeks now. In addition to paint, markers, crayons, colored pencils and paper, we got her some pom-pons of varying sizes, buttons, feathers and googly eyes! She's fascinated with the idea of gluing stuff down and has done some pretty interesting (abstract?) pieces using the buttons and pom-pons!
This afternoon she decided she wanted to paint (watercolors) some animals. She asked for help from me. I asked her what animal she wanted to paint...
L: An elephant.
M: OK, does an elephant have a big body or a little body?
L: big body
M: OK, let's paint a big body... (painting by Mama)
L: elephants are brown (as I'm painting the body blue)
M: They are?
L: Yeah, at the zoo. 'Member? And they eat. And they need to drink water. 'Member?
M: Right. OK, let's paint the head (using brown paint now)...does an elephant have big ears or little ears?
L: big ears
M: OK, let's paint the ears...(more brown) What about an elephant's face? What does it have on it's face?
L: (pointing to her nose and scrunching it up) a nose!
M: a trunk?
L: yeah! a trunk!
M: Can you paint the trunk? (hand over paintbrush)
L: Sure! (paints trunk beside the ear) Where's its other ear?
M: I don't know...where is its other ear? Can you paint it?
L: Sure! (paints ear on side of head) it needs eyes...
M: OK...paint some eyes! (she paints an eye)
L: where's its other eye?
M: I don't know, where is its other eye?
L: (FLIPS PAPER OVER) Here it is! (and paints an eye on the back side of the paper) It's on the other side!
Of course, why didn't I think of that?
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Toddler Logic...
So I had my first post yesterday... I was pleased but honestly thought to myself, "You just aren't going to have good 'material' everyday, so don't stress yourself about daily blogging.." but of course in the back of my mind I'm thinking of things.
A little while ago Lauren brought some books to me to read. I try to practice something one of my friends said to me one time, "Never say no when your child brings you a book..." It's frustrating sometimes because it will be the most inconvenient times, but then I stop and think, "Lauren wants to read a book...but you want to type an email...there's really not much to ponder is there?" So I stop what I'm doing, snuggle up with my child, and read. Of course the initial reading is just a trick...it'll be 1-2 books, but then she's got you..."OK, you stay right here...don't move...I'll be RIGHT BACK..." and she scurries off to find about 12 more books to plop in my lap...and it goes on like this until I've read about 25 books and say, "THIS is the last one..." So that's what happened this afternoon. I finished the "last one" and moved on to something else. Lauren was being pitiful and somewhat needy so I picked her up and let her sit in my lap while I was on the computer. She just wanted to snuggle (lingering runny nose is the culprit I think) so I picked her up and carry her over to the couch. The TV is off, but the iPod is on playing some cozy music and we're snuggled up on the couch relaxing. I can HEAR her breathing change and can tell she's zoning. I whisper, "You wanna go rockabye a bit?" (meaning snuggle up in her chair in her room - what we do before nap time) She nods and then stops herself and says, "BUT IT'S NOT NAPTIME..." I said, "No, but it might be nice to rest a little..." We get up and walk in her room and I commence "ROOM SHUT DOWN" mode where I turn on the fan, close the blinds and shut the room darkening shades. Lauren says, "Mom, you don't have to make it dark...IT'S NOT NAPTIME" in a confident voice. I say, "It'd be ok if it was dark doncha think?" We get all cozied up in the chair and I swear the child was OUT in 30 seconds. She's snoring and completely limp. I rock a little longer and then attempt to stand up to put her in the bed...
Eyes POP open and out comes, "IT'S NOT NAPTIME." Right, what was I thinking? You were snoring and sound asleep, but of course! Not naptime.
We go back to the chair and rock and I SWEAR she immediately goes back to sleep. I am having flashbacks to her infancy where I would sit there rocking a sleeping baby and think, "How the crap am I going to get this child OUT of my arms and INTO the bed without her knowing?" I slow down my rocking and slooooooooooooooooowly stand up...
Eyes POP open and stare at me..."IT'S NOT NAPTIME."
I begin my attempts at tricking her with language.
M: No, it's not naptime...it's rest time...
L: No, it's NOT rest time.
M: It's sleepy time...? (maybe the inflection in my voice was showing my lack of confidence in this method of trickery)
L: No, it's NOT sleepy time. (and her chin starts to quiver and she's going to cry)
M: (attempting comic relief) It's SNORING time! (and I make obnoxious/silly snoring sounds)
L: (full out crying) Noooooo it's NOT! Mama, can I watch TV for a little bit?
M: ...and THEN you'll take a nap?
L: yes.
Wait a minute...what just happened here? I think I was just tricked by a toddler.
A little while ago Lauren brought some books to me to read. I try to practice something one of my friends said to me one time, "Never say no when your child brings you a book..." It's frustrating sometimes because it will be the most inconvenient times, but then I stop and think, "Lauren wants to read a book...but you want to type an email...there's really not much to ponder is there?" So I stop what I'm doing, snuggle up with my child, and read. Of course the initial reading is just a trick...it'll be 1-2 books, but then she's got you..."OK, you stay right here...don't move...I'll be RIGHT BACK..." and she scurries off to find about 12 more books to plop in my lap...and it goes on like this until I've read about 25 books and say, "THIS is the last one..." So that's what happened this afternoon. I finished the "last one" and moved on to something else. Lauren was being pitiful and somewhat needy so I picked her up and let her sit in my lap while I was on the computer. She just wanted to snuggle (lingering runny nose is the culprit I think) so I picked her up and carry her over to the couch. The TV is off, but the iPod is on playing some cozy music and we're snuggled up on the couch relaxing. I can HEAR her breathing change and can tell she's zoning. I whisper, "You wanna go rockabye a bit?" (meaning snuggle up in her chair in her room - what we do before nap time) She nods and then stops herself and says, "BUT IT'S NOT NAPTIME..." I said, "No, but it might be nice to rest a little..." We get up and walk in her room and I commence "ROOM SHUT DOWN" mode where I turn on the fan, close the blinds and shut the room darkening shades. Lauren says, "Mom, you don't have to make it dark...IT'S NOT NAPTIME" in a confident voice. I say, "It'd be ok if it was dark doncha think?" We get all cozied up in the chair and I swear the child was OUT in 30 seconds. She's snoring and completely limp. I rock a little longer and then attempt to stand up to put her in the bed...
Eyes POP open and out comes, "IT'S NOT NAPTIME." Right, what was I thinking? You were snoring and sound asleep, but of course! Not naptime.
We go back to the chair and rock and I SWEAR she immediately goes back to sleep. I am having flashbacks to her infancy where I would sit there rocking a sleeping baby and think, "How the crap am I going to get this child OUT of my arms and INTO the bed without her knowing?" I slow down my rocking and slooooooooooooooooowly stand up...
Eyes POP open and stare at me..."IT'S NOT NAPTIME."
I begin my attempts at tricking her with language.
M: No, it's not naptime...it's rest time...
L: No, it's NOT rest time.
M: It's sleepy time...? (maybe the inflection in my voice was showing my lack of confidence in this method of trickery)
L: No, it's NOT sleepy time. (and her chin starts to quiver and she's going to cry)
M: (attempting comic relief) It's SNORING time! (and I make obnoxious/silly snoring sounds)
L: (full out crying) Noooooo it's NOT! Mama, can I watch TV for a little bit?
M: ...and THEN you'll take a nap?
L: yes.
Wait a minute...what just happened here? I think I was just tricked by a toddler.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
My first blog attempt
I'm sure there are so many blogs out there today that start with, "This is my first blog...blah, blah, blah..." So let's just assume I was going to say that to start things off.
It seems everyone I know has a blog these days. I haven't exactly decided what the purpose of this one will be except to maybe share kooky things that seem to happen to me in my daily life. I have been lucky in my upbringing to learn the art of storytelling, or believe I've learned it. Both of my parents are sensational storytellers and have captured many an audience in their time. In my experience, I've found that I have a way of sharing things with others that may seem mundane and normal to the average person, but I can focus in on the minute details of the situation and find the humor...or at least make it seem humorous.
For example, I think a good place to start this blog would be to share the details of this past Sunday. This original "post" was sent to my girlfriend via email describing my day...
I had great expectations for my day today...
Lauren's nose was still a little drippy/runny this morning, and though I am sure it's nothing contagious (at this point) I still wasn't comfortable dropping her off in a nursery at church. I didn't want to be "THAT MOM" and feel like I had to explain her nose, etc.
ANYWAY, I looked online and saw that Portrait Innovations opened at 9am on Sundays. Eureka! So Chad and I start making plans for our day, that involved us getting our family portrait! Yippee! OK, breakfast, showers, ironing clothes, loading up child...DONE. Lauren was a bit "challenging" from the get go this morning. She woke up early and was just fretful and grumpy all morning. This should have been a sign. She was bawling her eyes out over putting a particular SHIRT on (with Chad of course) so her face was all red and splotchy...GREAT...before pictures???? But we press on and I say as we're walking out the door, "This is probably the worst idea ever..."
We arrive at Portrait Innovations and I'm optimistic because the parking lot doesn't look overcrowded. It's 11:30 and I'm thinking we're in good shape. I walk in and say we don't have an appointment, but is there availability...? The girl says something about only having one photographer at the moment and that the other photographer was arriving at 1pm, but they had appointments all afternoon. I stared at her with a blank stare like, "Uh, ok, but can we get our picture taken?" She says, "Let me go check on something..." So she goes to the photographer and there is muttering and she comes back and says, "Yeah, we have appointments all afternoon..." Again, blank stare, "Is that a NO?" She proceeds to tell me they are not open on Mondays, but have availability throughout the week and would I like to make an appointment... More blank staring, "Yeah, uh...I'll have to call you about that..." Meanwhile, Chad and Lauren have parked their butts in a chair and are chilling out, even though I KNOW Chad has heard the whole conversation. I'm doing the walking towards the door, "yeah, yeah, thanks, don't call me, I'll call you..." routine and STARING a hole into the side of Chad's head. I finally say, "OK CHAD. LET'S GO." He casually gets up and carries Lauren to the door. We get in the car and I'm just ticked. They DO highly recommend appointments, but STILL. I was just miffed. So Chad is loading Lauren in and says in a sing-song voice, "No pictures today..." Which makes Lauren burst into tears. *heavy sigh*
We drive the short drive to Lowe's because we need air filters for the house. Lauren is still fretful when we arrive and Chad tries to carry her but she begins full out wailing. I take her from him and she is sniffling and lying her head on my shoulder. TOTALLY out of character for her. So I CARRY the child all over Lowe's while we find the air filters, select air filters, look for ceiling fans (for the playroom), select a ceiling fan...blah, blah, blah...and she's not THAT heavy, but heavy enough that I wanted to just SIT when we were done. Oy!
Chad wants to go to Best Buy (while we're in the area) to look for a wireless keyboard for the Wii (don't ask). We go and Lauren is being fretful...STILL. But I just walk away from her, because Zoloft or no, I'm going to CHOKE her if she doesn't stop. She and Chad mosey thru the store looking at God knows what. I however, did find "Evan Almighty" in the DVDs, so that was an improvement on my day. I don't really like Best Buy. It's not my kind of store. I like to look at the DVDs and then I'm DONE. So I was DONE. Had my DVD in hand and was ready to proceed to the exit. Chad hesitates by the XBox stuff and mutters something about not getting a chance to look/browse. *heavy sigh* FINE. So I take Lauren and we wander over to the 10,000 TVs they have on display. She finds one playing clips from the movie "Ice Age 2" (animated film) and is immediately glued. The problem is, this TV is on an endcap so we're virtually invisible to someone, MY HUSBAND, looking for us. First of all he didn't know we were in the TVs (why would he?) and second of all, just wandering around looking, he NEVER would have found us. Leave it to me to be well hidden. I did however KNOW we had a problem and began coaxing Lauren to come with me to find Daddy. Nope. Here come the tears. I finally drag her out from our hiding place to find Chad with an annoyed look on his face and saying, "I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU FOR 20 MINUTES." Riiiiiiiiiiiight, cus' we've REALLY been there that long. *heavy sigh* So of course the child is crying again. Chad's annoyed. I'm annoyed. Let's just goooooooooooooo.
We load up in the car. More crying for no reason begins because she asked for a drink and I told her I didn't have one. I guess that's a good reason to cry? "MOMMY NEEDS A DRINK TOO!!"
We were planning to go out to eat lunch, but CLEARLY that was not the best idea at the rate we were going. We start down Woodruff and Lauren is OUT. Sound asleep. Nice. So we swing thru Arby's and head home. Lauren POPS awake as soon as we pull in the driveway. 30 minute nap. Perfect. I carry her into her room and try to rock her. She yelps about wanting to get in her bed. I carry her to her bed. She bursts into full out sobbing saying, "I want to rockabye!!" SHOOT ME. I pull her out of the bed and proceed to rock her. She is dozing, but I'm not convinced she's asleep, but what the hell...lay her down, leave the room...10 minutes of sustained quiet come from the monitor...until...
Chad begins installing the new ceiling fan we purchased at Lowe's. With his power drill.
WHY? WHY? WHY?
...and THAT was the end of naptime.
Thankfully Lauren was interested in "helping" Daddy install the fan (*rolling eyes*) so that kept her occupied for a bit and then she wanted to watch DVDs in our bedroom. I was free to watch "Brokeback Mountain" and GULP some wine.
I announced to Chad that Lauren needed a bath at 6pm (this was around 3pm so he'd have plenty of time to plan his afternoon!). I wanted her in bed before 7pm. Wishful thinking. She was bathed and and dressed and ready for bed by 6:45pm. She was running from the living room to the kitchen and slipped and clunked her head on the floor. GREAT. MORE CRYING. She was inconsolable. I don't think it was the clunk as much as the whole fretful day piling up into one big mess. So I take her and carry her into her bedroom and proceed to rock her and console her for 30+ minutes. She seems asleep, but I see her eyes flutter open right when I''m about to plop her into the bed. I whisper, "Are you ready to get in your bed?" She says, in a loud voice and sounding fretful, "WE DIDN'T READ ANY BOOKS!" Oh for the love of... I try to softly say, "Sweetie, you need to go to sleep, it's the most important thing right now..." FULL OUT SOB, "I WANT TO READ MY BOOKS! WE DIDN'T READ BOOKS!" I stand up (still holding her) and gently walk to the door, open the door, walk out to the living room, gently HAND HER TO CHAD and walk away. He got her into bed, but at 8:10 I could still hear her talking! It's 9pm now and it's been quiet for about 20 minutes or so...
So THAT was my day...
OH and in the midst of all the drama this afternoon I decided to go out on the front porch to water my flowers. I scared one of the baby finches and it flew/fell out of the nest. DAMNIT. I came inside, yelled for Chad, and googled "baby finch fell out of nest" to see what the hell I was suppose to do next! Chad kept an eye on it and said it flew across the street onto the neighbor's porch. *heavy sigh* Mama Finch has been chirping all afternoon/evening looking for the lost youngin'. I just wanna cry!
It seems everyone I know has a blog these days. I haven't exactly decided what the purpose of this one will be except to maybe share kooky things that seem to happen to me in my daily life. I have been lucky in my upbringing to learn the art of storytelling, or believe I've learned it. Both of my parents are sensational storytellers and have captured many an audience in their time. In my experience, I've found that I have a way of sharing things with others that may seem mundane and normal to the average person, but I can focus in on the minute details of the situation and find the humor...or at least make it seem humorous.
For example, I think a good place to start this blog would be to share the details of this past Sunday. This original "post" was sent to my girlfriend via email describing my day...
I had great expectations for my day today...
Lauren's nose was still a little drippy/runny this morning, and though I am sure it's nothing contagious (at this point) I still wasn't comfortable dropping her off in a nursery at church. I didn't want to be "THAT MOM" and feel like I had to explain her nose, etc.
ANYWAY, I looked online and saw that Portrait Innovations opened at 9am on Sundays. Eureka! So Chad and I start making plans for our day, that involved us getting our family portrait! Yippee! OK, breakfast, showers, ironing clothes, loading up child...DONE. Lauren was a bit "challenging" from the get go this morning. She woke up early and was just fretful and grumpy all morning. This should have been a sign. She was bawling her eyes out over putting a particular SHIRT on (with Chad of course) so her face was all red and splotchy...GREAT...before pictures???? But we press on and I say as we're walking out the door, "This is probably the worst idea ever..."
We arrive at Portrait Innovations and I'm optimistic because the parking lot doesn't look overcrowded. It's 11:30 and I'm thinking we're in good shape. I walk in and say we don't have an appointment, but is there availability...? The girl says something about only having one photographer at the moment and that the other photographer was arriving at 1pm, but they had appointments all afternoon. I stared at her with a blank stare like, "Uh, ok, but can we get our picture taken?" She says, "Let me go check on something..." So she goes to the photographer and there is muttering and she comes back and says, "Yeah, we have appointments all afternoon..." Again, blank stare, "Is that a NO?" She proceeds to tell me they are not open on Mondays, but have availability throughout the week and would I like to make an appointment... More blank staring, "Yeah, uh...I'll have to call you about that..." Meanwhile, Chad and Lauren have parked their butts in a chair and are chilling out, even though I KNOW Chad has heard the whole conversation. I'm doing the walking towards the door, "yeah, yeah, thanks, don't call me, I'll call you..." routine and STARING a hole into the side of Chad's head. I finally say, "OK CHAD. LET'S GO." He casually gets up and carries Lauren to the door. We get in the car and I'm just ticked. They DO highly recommend appointments, but STILL. I was just miffed. So Chad is loading Lauren in and says in a sing-song voice, "No pictures today..." Which makes Lauren burst into tears. *heavy sigh*
We drive the short drive to Lowe's because we need air filters for the house. Lauren is still fretful when we arrive and Chad tries to carry her but she begins full out wailing. I take her from him and she is sniffling and lying her head on my shoulder. TOTALLY out of character for her. So I CARRY the child all over Lowe's while we find the air filters, select air filters, look for ceiling fans (for the playroom), select a ceiling fan...blah, blah, blah...and she's not THAT heavy, but heavy enough that I wanted to just SIT when we were done. Oy!
Chad wants to go to Best Buy (while we're in the area) to look for a wireless keyboard for the Wii (don't ask). We go and Lauren is being fretful...STILL. But I just walk away from her, because Zoloft or no, I'm going to CHOKE her if she doesn't stop. She and Chad mosey thru the store looking at God knows what. I however, did find "Evan Almighty" in the DVDs, so that was an improvement on my day. I don't really like Best Buy. It's not my kind of store. I like to look at the DVDs and then I'm DONE. So I was DONE. Had my DVD in hand and was ready to proceed to the exit. Chad hesitates by the XBox stuff and mutters something about not getting a chance to look/browse. *heavy sigh* FINE. So I take Lauren and we wander over to the 10,000 TVs they have on display. She finds one playing clips from the movie "Ice Age 2" (animated film) and is immediately glued. The problem is, this TV is on an endcap so we're virtually invisible to someone, MY HUSBAND, looking for us. First of all he didn't know we were in the TVs (why would he?) and second of all, just wandering around looking, he NEVER would have found us. Leave it to me to be well hidden. I did however KNOW we had a problem and began coaxing Lauren to come with me to find Daddy. Nope. Here come the tears. I finally drag her out from our hiding place to find Chad with an annoyed look on his face and saying, "I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU FOR 20 MINUTES." Riiiiiiiiiiiight, cus' we've REALLY been there that long. *heavy sigh* So of course the child is crying again. Chad's annoyed. I'm annoyed. Let's just goooooooooooooo.
We load up in the car. More crying for no reason begins because she asked for a drink and I told her I didn't have one. I guess that's a good reason to cry? "MOMMY NEEDS A DRINK TOO!!"
We were planning to go out to eat lunch, but CLEARLY that was not the best idea at the rate we were going. We start down Woodruff and Lauren is OUT. Sound asleep. Nice. So we swing thru Arby's and head home. Lauren POPS awake as soon as we pull in the driveway. 30 minute nap. Perfect. I carry her into her room and try to rock her. She yelps about wanting to get in her bed. I carry her to her bed. She bursts into full out sobbing saying, "I want to rockabye!!" SHOOT ME. I pull her out of the bed and proceed to rock her. She is dozing, but I'm not convinced she's asleep, but what the hell...lay her down, leave the room...10 minutes of sustained quiet come from the monitor...until...
Chad begins installing the new ceiling fan we purchased at Lowe's. With his power drill.
WHY? WHY? WHY?
...and THAT was the end of naptime.
Thankfully Lauren was interested in "helping" Daddy install the fan (*rolling eyes*) so that kept her occupied for a bit and then she wanted to watch DVDs in our bedroom. I was free to watch "Brokeback Mountain" and GULP some wine.
I announced to Chad that Lauren needed a bath at 6pm (this was around 3pm so he'd have plenty of time to plan his afternoon!). I wanted her in bed before 7pm. Wishful thinking. She was bathed and and dressed and ready for bed by 6:45pm. She was running from the living room to the kitchen and slipped and clunked her head on the floor. GREAT. MORE CRYING. She was inconsolable. I don't think it was the clunk as much as the whole fretful day piling up into one big mess. So I take her and carry her into her bedroom and proceed to rock her and console her for 30+ minutes. She seems asleep, but I see her eyes flutter open right when I''m about to plop her into the bed. I whisper, "Are you ready to get in your bed?" She says, in a loud voice and sounding fretful, "WE DIDN'T READ ANY BOOKS!" Oh for the love of... I try to softly say, "Sweetie, you need to go to sleep, it's the most important thing right now..." FULL OUT SOB, "I WANT TO READ MY BOOKS! WE DIDN'T READ BOOKS!" I stand up (still holding her) and gently walk to the door, open the door, walk out to the living room, gently HAND HER TO CHAD and walk away. He got her into bed, but at 8:10 I could still hear her talking! It's 9pm now and it's been quiet for about 20 minutes or so...
So THAT was my day...
OH and in the midst of all the drama this afternoon I decided to go out on the front porch to water my flowers. I scared one of the baby finches and it flew/fell out of the nest. DAMNIT. I came inside, yelled for Chad, and googled "baby finch fell out of nest" to see what the hell I was suppose to do next! Chad kept an eye on it and said it flew across the street onto the neighbor's porch. *heavy sigh* Mama Finch has been chirping all afternoon/evening looking for the lost youngin'. I just wanna cry!
So maybe this is a good place to stop on my first attempt at blogging. The child has decided naptime is over so blogging time is too.
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